Dream•sync

First, I got more personal comments via text and phone and in person from my last blog than I ever expected.  It was a difficult post to write because it's so much easier to 'bury' those feelings of inadequacy.  Yet it is such a comfort to know that others have felt similarly, and take encouragement from my 'battle cry' (which honestly when I wrote that was more of a whimper... but words have power, and the more I read them the more Truth was written on my heart :)

In any case, thanks to those who contacted me.  And praise be to God that anything I say has eternal value - it's all because of Him.

Which brings us to today's post :) 


Brown Sugar Bundt Cake & Buttery Brown Sugar Sauce
Adapted from the Betty Crocker Spring 2007 'Indulgent Desserts' magazine, page 24.

Prep Time: 45 minutes
Start to Finish: 4 hours roughly
Yield: 1 bundt cake and some lovely caramel sauce (recipe follows the cake recipe)

My Plan of Attack: I work from home 8 - 5 every day, so I can't take a huge chunk of time to make this.  Instead I break it up.  Make the bundt cake over lunch hour and stick it in the oven right before going back to work (which obviously only works if you work from home :).  Bake it as described, let it cool in the pan, then flip onto a cooling rack until work is done.  After work, make the sauce and plate the cake.


Brown Sugar Bundt Cake

Ingredients

• 2 1/4 cup flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 4 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 3/4 cup milk

Substitutions/eliminations:

• You can completely forget the baking powder and salt and it makes a wonderful pound-like cake.  I say 'forget' because that's what I did when I made this yesterday lol :)  The cake turned out wonderfully, very moist and slightly more dense than normal.

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Grease and flour a 12-cup bundt pan or angel food cake pan.  I used butter and completely forgot the flour - not recommended.  The cake did not want to come out yesterday. So be sure to flour your pan after greasing.  This is easy in case you aren't sure how to do it - take a little flour, stick it in the greased pan and tap the flour around, covering the grease.  Tap out any extra flour once the pan has a nice even flour coating to it.
3. Mix the flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl.  Or not if you want a more dense & moist pound cake :).  Then just measure out the flour in that bowl. 
4. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugars (brown and granulated).  I usually do this with a pastry cutter to help eliminate lumps.  Be sure your butter is completely softened otherwise it will take much longer to get the batter to the right consistency.  This is where a kitchen aid mixer comes in very handy.  I like to start creaming the butter and sugars together by hand before adding them to the kitchen aid.  It gives them a head start and I don't have to scrape the sides of the bowl as often.  Use the paddle attachment, and finish creaming the sugars & butter together on a low or mix setting.  Then ramp it up to medium mixing speed for 5 minutes.  Scrape the bowl occasionally.  The mixture will become light and a bit fluffy.
5. Add one egg at a time, waiting until each is completely mixed in before adding the next. 
6. Add the vanilla.
7. Reduce your mixing speed to low, then alternate adding a little of the flour mixture, with adding a bit of the milk. Once those have both been completely added, continue mixing until the batter looks smooth.  I ramped up the mixer every once in a while which probably added a little air to it - this isn't an issue.  'Smooth' is probably a relative term here - my batter looked a little grainy, and was the consistency of a fluffy, heavy paste. 
8. Spoon the batter into your pre-greased & floured bundt pan.  Even it out as best you can, then stick it in the oven to bake.
9. Bake the cake for anywhere from 50 minutes to an hour and 10 minutes.  It all depends on your oven and the weather honestly - you'd be surprised how much humidity impacts baking :) You can stick a toothpick in to see if it's done, or do what we used to when I baked cakes in a large kitchen for camp - you do the 'sponge' test.  Carefully (don't burn yourself!!) take your fingers on the center part of the cake and lightly press.  If the cake is done, it should act kind of like a sponge when pressed.  It should slightly return to it's original spot.  You'll feel resistance if it's done.
10. Pull the cake out and cool itin the pan for 10 minutes.
11. Here's where the floured pan comes into play - take a cooling rack and place it over the pan, then using hot pads flip the rack and pan over.  If it worked the pan should come off.  If it didn't you may have to tap the pan with a spoon on the bottom to get it to release the cake.  Don't fret if some of it gets stuck to the pan, just carefully work those out and place them right back on your cake.  It won't affect the taste ;) 
12. Allow the cake to completely cool, at least 2 hours. 
13. Plating - find a nice round plate to put the cake on - I put mine right in my cake carrier for transport, no plate necessary.  Serve with the warm sauce you'll make from the recipe below.

 Buttery Brown Sugar Sauce

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter
• 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons milk
• 1 tablespoon light corn syrup
• 1 teaspoons vanilla

Directions:

1. In a 2 quart saucepan, heat all the ingredients - except for the vanilla.  Bring to boiling over medium heat stirring constantly.  You must stir constantly otherwise the sugar and milk may burn which makes for a very bad tasting sauce.
2. Boil and stir for 2 minutes.
3. Remove from heat and cool to room temperature.
4. Once cool, stir in the vanilla.
5. Serve the sauce warm, drizzle over the cake (or ice cream, or cookies, or whatever else you can find to drizzle it over :)

I actually didn't add the milk or the vanilla to the sauce until after it had cooled slightly.  It was still quite warm when I added both, and the sauce turned out just fine.  In fact last night everyone was drizzling it over just about anything they cold find.  The sauce recipe is definitely a keeper... I'll have to see what it's like over ice cream...

In any case, enjoy :)

I went to bed last night feeling content after a day that started at 6 AM, included a 2-hour drive home, one appointment at 9, a run to AutoZone for new pads and rotors at 10, then a full day of work.  Got a text from my sister Val who also had an interesting afternoon and discovered she had no food in her apartment, so she came over and I fixed Beef Stroganoff - a dish that I love (who wouldn't love beef and pasta in a wonderful sauce?  :)  She stopped and bought salad and ghiradelli brownie mix on the way, and we had a lovely dinner at my table.  I know I've blogged about this before, but I feel so blessed to be able to do stuff like that on the fly - make dinner and have people over.  Thankfully I had all the ingredients for the meal :)

Anyway, my dad stopped over and had a brownie while I tried to find the information he needed on his military retirement.  We got that situated and then I had a wonderful conversation with my good friend Katie :)  And we talked about things happening in my life, and things happening in her life.  Things that are difficult but I believe ultimately good.

All of that apparently set the stage for this dream.

 I am being asked by and older gentleman to play the part of a fly fisher for the start of his movie - I think it's a commercial of some sort, but I can't be sure.  All I know is that I am to stand on a dock fly fishing - swinging my pole back and forth without actually fishing.   I am excited about this as for the past few years I've taken an interest in fly fishing.

I am practicing by myself at the edge of the water, chest waders on, flicking my fly on the surface.  It's a lake beach.  I realize the fly is huge - it's emerald green and looks more like a spoon lure than a fly.  I am able to keep flicking it in the water without it getting wet.  The older gentleman approaches - he is wearing sand -colored khakis and a similar colored, yet speckled sweater.  His hair is gray - He tells me I'm getting the hang of it and then asks how I can keep the fly dry.  I tell him about the float powder and wax that you can use to keep the fly floating - but I'm not using any of those.

I am standing on a dock surrounded by a whole bunch of people that I don't know - people who look familiar to me, but I've somehow just met.   They are crowded onto a boat that is tied up to the dock.  I look down and see the dock planking - it is gray and weathered like it's been there a long time.  We are not ready to shoot the film yet, so I'm flicking my fly into the water again - and I look down into the water - it's black yet clear - and I see this enormous fish.  It has vertical stripes on it and a huge dorsal fin - with spines that have to be 8 inches long connected by webbing, similar to a sunfish only much bigger.  This fish must be at least 4 or 5 feet long and it's just hovering partially under the dock.  I call people over to take a look.  They tell me that's a poison fish - that the spines are very dangerous.  I don't believe them.  They tell me I should try to catch it.  I protest saying my fly rod would snap - it's not designed for fish that big.  I hold my pole up and look at the specs printed on the side of the rod but can't find the one that I'm looking for to prove my point. So I throw my fly in where I think the fish's head is.

It's just hovering there like it's in a fish tank too small for it.  I lean over and think I see a scuba diver's face looking up at me from the water.  It disappears.  I feel a tug on my line and think 'I've caught it' only to real in a soft fish-eel looking thing that appears to be like a fat footlong hotdog in a weird bun.  i have hooked it funny through the lip - I find it strange.  I am proud of my catch and hold it up to everyone for their approval.  They laugh and smile appropriately, but I can sense something off.  Like a joke I am unaware of.

I am rummaging through a pack of supplies given to me by the older gentleman.  In it I find the stuffed mascot that represents the crew that I'm filming with.  It is the same thing that I hooked early in the day, only the one I hooked seemed real at the time.  How could I have mistaken it for a real fish?  I realize that I did see a diver and that they had hooked this mascot on to my hook as a joke played on me by the whole group. 

I am walking through a green campus.  People are everywhere - lounging in the perfectly manicured green grass under precisely placed decorative maples.  It is a college campus.  As I walk through people look at me with jeering contempt.  'How could she be so stupid?  So gullible?' I hear under their breath.  I do not belong and they want me to understand that.

I do not belong.  I am unworthy.  I am without hope.

And that is what I woke up to this morning.  Lovely huh?  I believe I know where most of it stems from.  You see, there is this wonderful event coming up this weekend - a square dance.  I have come to love them and dread them all at once.  Love them because they are a lot of fun.  Dread them because I always come away from them feeling unworthy.  Unmatched and unwanted.  So it makes sense that I would dream something about a large group of people and walk away in the dream feeling that way.   Last year I was dreadfully sick so there was a reason not to get asked.  This year I'm not sick - and I dread the 'waiting' on the sidelines.  Last year I had my camera with me - which I often use to keep me distracted.  It's why at weddings I like doing the photography.  It keeps me from thinking too much.  I haven't decided whether to bring it this time.   

So why am I still going you may ask?  Because despite the fears that are being broadcast from my dream, I do belong.  I am not unworthy.  I am not without hope.  But it's a battle for me every time.  A war against fear ruling my life.  I am taken back to one of my favorite passages - Isaiah 43 - as a welcome reminder.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
   and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
 when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
   and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
 I give Egypt as your ransom,
   Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
   and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
   peoples in exchange for your life. 

 So today started as an 'off' day because of the dream and the fears it represents.  But it doesn't have to end as an off day.  It can (and will) be redeemed by God's grace.