Dream•sync

Had a dream last night and woke up with a killer headache.

I am watching a young, petite blonde girl put an earring in her left hear.  She tilts her head and looks at me asking a question.  I have a clipboard with a checklist on it.  It's for preparations for this girl's wedding which is happening in a few hours.  She's had her hair and makeup done and she's getting ready for photographs.  She is not yet wearing her dress.  I am her wedding coordinator.  I am wearing a black dress with wider straps with a figure 8 configuration of fabric at the breast, hourglass form fitting through the waist and hip with a slight flair at the floor.

We appear to be outside now, green grass on either side of a grey cobblestone path. Japanese Cherry trees are in blossom.  I am looking at myself from a distance.  My cell phone rings and I watch myself answer it.

I'm back 'inside' myself again, talking on the phone to a friend.  He says he is getting married soon, but that he isn't telling his parents or the rest of his family because he knows they wouldn't approve.  They would make him wait.  I look at the bride I'm preparing and it hits me all at once - he is marrying this girl who I've been helping.  They met at a Wal-Mart while he was looking to buy a handheld video camera. She was behind the counter.  I see it as a flashback.

My heart is leaping out of my chest with panic.  He can't marry this girl - he doesn't know anything about her.  I choke back words while on the phone with him.  Trying to tactfully tell him he's wrong.  That she isn't right for him - that he's supposed to be with me.

I don't say it though.  I don't confess my feelings to him.  Before we hang up he asks if I will be there.  I will be.

I debate in my head on what to do.  I have helped this girl prep for her wedding and now I'm going to ruin it for her.  Maybe I want to. How could I not know she was marrying him? 

At minimum I must make it plain to him how I feel before he takes this path.  I form a plan to object to the wedding at that moment where they ask if anyone has any objections. I do.  I most certainly do.

He will listen, won't he?  He will understand, right?  He will look at me with new eyes and wonder how he could have been so blind - or so I pray. I fear that will not be the case. 

Cue massive headache.

Yes - I actually dreamed all of those details - they are not confabulation.  As for the meaning - well lots of things are in transition for me which would play into the feeling of trying to plan stuff and not having all the info - the 'uncertainty' factor and the resulting steps of faith I will be taking.  Blonde girl - carry over from some show I watched yesterday.  Wedding theme?  Well I have played coordinator recently, and I've been reading Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity which could account for most of it. The feeling of being overlooked is something I've blogged about before. 

I am readjusting to life in the north.  After almost two weeks in Texas I had adjusted to the dry air and the heat.  Now I'm in the cool air and the moist and my lungs are objecting.  My chest is tight when I breathe.  Thankful for my inhaler.

I'm finding it hard to believe it's been so long since my last blog.  It's not that nothing has happened.  It's just that I haven't felt like blogging it :)  Journaling - yes.  Blogging - no.

I'm thinking it's time for a blog layout update as well.  I want to design my own this time... with whatever free time I do have which isn't much.  The last few days I've been cleaning up the apartment.  My cat did not like that I was gone for such a length of time.  And unfortunately at some point my doors were left open when no one was over here and I'm pretty sure she had visitors.  Slowly I'm getting it clean. Thankful it's not as bad as it could have been.  It's still not pleasant.

I was reading in II Timothy 1 Tuesday and the verse that's around my neck now on a dog tag stuck out (verse 7 to be exact):

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

And as I continued reading I stumbled across the verse that has been rolling around in my head in the form of the old hymn "I Know Whom I Have Believed".  When I checked the lyrics this particular verse stuck out to me:

♫♪ I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

But I know Whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day. ♫♪

My heart is heavy as the verse describes.  If you continue reading in II Timothy 1 here's what it says:

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me [Paul] His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.

For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.

I've head several friends going through pretty challenging circumstances, each of which need to be bathed in prayer.  I've also been wrestling with different areas in my own life that I need to constantly recommit to the Lord. So the tune replays in my head over and over...

I know Whom I have believed.

I am persuaded.

He is able.

---

Listening to: Dirty Little Secret (Thievery Corporation Remix) - Sarah McLachlan
Reading: The Scarpetta Factor by Patricia Cornwell, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliott
Crafting: 2 different cross-stitch projects
Studying: Forgotten God by Francis Chan

Wow what an interesting few days it's been for myself and a close friend.  And what a very long time it's been since I actually posted something on the blog.  Strange how quickly time flies...

I'm sitting in my office working on a day when the corporate office is closed.  The wind is blustery today and has given a ... what's the word I want...  transient feel to the day.  Like nothing is stable. 

Strangely enough it's not unlike what is happening in my life and others.  I'm still wrestling with my current state.  My friends can tell you of how many people have gotten engaged in the last 3 weeks.  Too many to count on two hands.  I am very happy for each of them.  Really happy.  But at the same time each one of these blessed announcements is a chance for me to become despondent at my own state of singleness.  It's only a chance - and the evil one loves to take those opportunities to convince me yet again that I am unworthy.  That there is something wrong with me or that I've done something so horribly wrong that the Lord is 'punishing me' with this time of singleness.

Which is false - and yet it is so easy to give into those thoughts. 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..."
                                                                  2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (my emphasis)

And that brings me to the reason for writing this blog in the first place.  It's so important to remember that the war we are fighting is primarily a spiritual one.  One that can manifest itself in the careless comments of others, or the assumptions and misunderstandings between friends.  It can manifest in so many different ways. In my case it was in a dream I had this past Sunday morning. I cannot recall much of the beginnings of that dream, but the end result of it had me awake at 3:30 am, heart & mind racing.

I am traveling with my friend Katie in her car.  I am vaguely aware that we are traveling with a group of people, and that there is something we must be cautious about.  I have somehow obtained a silver pistol - like a Colt .45 - only the barrel looks as if it's been modified.  It also has pins or brackets that pop out of the bottom of the handle for the purpose of doing more damage when hitting someone with the butt of the gun.

Katie and I are walking back to her car after stopping at a rest stop.  I am talking to her about plans for something and sit in the passenger seat of her car, gun on my lap, still talking to her as she walks around the back of the vehicle.  I notice it is taking her too long to make the trek and call her name.

I hear her scream coming from behind the car.  I leap up, gun in hand from the passenger side and face what I can only call a shadow figure who has come up behind Katie and put one arm around her neck and the other around her waist, trying to drag her away from the car.  When this figure sees me it releases her and moves towards me in a rapid and very jerky motion.  Almost as if it was a bad film recording.  Jerky and flickering on the horizontal plane while in one location, then 'woosh' to the next location, all jerky and flickering.

I barely have time to raise the gun to shoot the thing from hip level.  I get it right in the gut just before it reaches me.

And then I wake up.

And some of you reading this are like - "wow scary dream but how do you know it was a spiritual attack and not some bad pizza wreaking revenge?"  

There are a few ways I can tell.  First - I've experienced attacks of this kind before.  And in every case the figure is never clearly defined.  It is always in shadow.  Second, when I tell my dreams like this to mentors in the faith, they are usually the ones to flag them as an attack even before I suggest that it might be one.  Third, my own spirit usually alarms at things that aren't 'normal' nightmares.

What's really interesting is when the person being attacked in my dream can confirm a similar dream at virtually the same time.  When I shared with Katie about this dream she confirmed a similar figure in her dream trying to do her harm.  Hearing that at first really creeped me out :)  But upon further discussion with friends and mentors, it's a blessing.  A blessing to know that the Lord can use us even in dreams to come to the aid of a friend.

In this case my weapon in the dream was a silver Colt .45.  Upon waking it was prayer.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood,
       but against the rulers,
       against the authorities,
       against the cosmic powers over this present darkness,
       against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

Stand therefore,
     having fastened on the belt of truth,
     and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
     and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
     In all circumstances take up the shield of faith,
                      with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;
     and take the helmet of salvation,
     and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,
                      praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.

To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints...

                                                                             Ephesians 6:10-18 (my emphasis)

So how about you?  Have you armed yourself today?  I'll be the first to confess I do a poor job of equipping myself for battle.  But the Lord's not finished with me - and He still chooses to use me despite myself. And for that I am eternally thankful.

---

Listening to: The wind...
Reading: "Sacred Waiting" by David Timms.  Thoroughly enjoying his examination of waiting in the lives of Noah, Abraham, David and Jesus... looking forward to the second half of the book...
Crafting: One large crib sheet, One announcement framing, one Christmas gift with a wonderful saying and the repair of a friend's necklace.  This time of year is busy in so many ways...
Studying: Good question... I need to get back into my Beth Moore study on David...

I went to bed last night feeling content after a day that started at 6 AM, included a 2-hour drive home, one appointment at 9, a run to AutoZone for new pads and rotors at 10, then a full day of work.  Got a text from my sister Val who also had an interesting afternoon and discovered she had no food in her apartment, so she came over and I fixed Beef Stroganoff - a dish that I love (who wouldn't love beef and pasta in a wonderful sauce?  :)  She stopped and bought salad and ghiradelli brownie mix on the way, and we had a lovely dinner at my table.  I know I've blogged about this before, but I feel so blessed to be able to do stuff like that on the fly - make dinner and have people over.  Thankfully I had all the ingredients for the meal :)

Anyway, my dad stopped over and had a brownie while I tried to find the information he needed on his military retirement.  We got that situated and then I had a wonderful conversation with my good friend Katie :)  And we talked about things happening in my life, and things happening in her life.  Things that are difficult but I believe ultimately good.

All of that apparently set the stage for this dream.

 I am being asked by and older gentleman to play the part of a fly fisher for the start of his movie - I think it's a commercial of some sort, but I can't be sure.  All I know is that I am to stand on a dock fly fishing - swinging my pole back and forth without actually fishing.   I am excited about this as for the past few years I've taken an interest in fly fishing.

I am practicing by myself at the edge of the water, chest waders on, flicking my fly on the surface.  It's a lake beach.  I realize the fly is huge - it's emerald green and looks more like a spoon lure than a fly.  I am able to keep flicking it in the water without it getting wet.  The older gentleman approaches - he is wearing sand -colored khakis and a similar colored, yet speckled sweater.  His hair is gray - He tells me I'm getting the hang of it and then asks how I can keep the fly dry.  I tell him about the float powder and wax that you can use to keep the fly floating - but I'm not using any of those.

I am standing on a dock surrounded by a whole bunch of people that I don't know - people who look familiar to me, but I've somehow just met.   They are crowded onto a boat that is tied up to the dock.  I look down and see the dock planking - it is gray and weathered like it's been there a long time.  We are not ready to shoot the film yet, so I'm flicking my fly into the water again - and I look down into the water - it's black yet clear - and I see this enormous fish.  It has vertical stripes on it and a huge dorsal fin - with spines that have to be 8 inches long connected by webbing, similar to a sunfish only much bigger.  This fish must be at least 4 or 5 feet long and it's just hovering partially under the dock.  I call people over to take a look.  They tell me that's a poison fish - that the spines are very dangerous.  I don't believe them.  They tell me I should try to catch it.  I protest saying my fly rod would snap - it's not designed for fish that big.  I hold my pole up and look at the specs printed on the side of the rod but can't find the one that I'm looking for to prove my point. So I throw my fly in where I think the fish's head is.

It's just hovering there like it's in a fish tank too small for it.  I lean over and think I see a scuba diver's face looking up at me from the water.  It disappears.  I feel a tug on my line and think 'I've caught it' only to real in a soft fish-eel looking thing that appears to be like a fat footlong hotdog in a weird bun.  i have hooked it funny through the lip - I find it strange.  I am proud of my catch and hold it up to everyone for their approval.  They laugh and smile appropriately, but I can sense something off.  Like a joke I am unaware of.

I am rummaging through a pack of supplies given to me by the older gentleman.  In it I find the stuffed mascot that represents the crew that I'm filming with.  It is the same thing that I hooked early in the day, only the one I hooked seemed real at the time.  How could I have mistaken it for a real fish?  I realize that I did see a diver and that they had hooked this mascot on to my hook as a joke played on me by the whole group. 

I am walking through a green campus.  People are everywhere - lounging in the perfectly manicured green grass under precisely placed decorative maples.  It is a college campus.  As I walk through people look at me with jeering contempt.  'How could she be so stupid?  So gullible?' I hear under their breath.  I do not belong and they want me to understand that.

I do not belong.  I am unworthy.  I am without hope.

And that is what I woke up to this morning.  Lovely huh?  I believe I know where most of it stems from.  You see, there is this wonderful event coming up this weekend - a square dance.  I have come to love them and dread them all at once.  Love them because they are a lot of fun.  Dread them because I always come away from them feeling unworthy.  Unmatched and unwanted.  So it makes sense that I would dream something about a large group of people and walk away in the dream feeling that way.   Last year I was dreadfully sick so there was a reason not to get asked.  This year I'm not sick - and I dread the 'waiting' on the sidelines.  Last year I had my camera with me - which I often use to keep me distracted.  It's why at weddings I like doing the photography.  It keeps me from thinking too much.  I haven't decided whether to bring it this time.   

So why am I still going you may ask?  Because despite the fears that are being broadcast from my dream, I do belong.  I am not unworthy.  I am not without hope.  But it's a battle for me every time.  A war against fear ruling my life.  I am taken back to one of my favorite passages - Isaiah 43 - as a welcome reminder.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
   and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
 when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
   and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
 I give Egypt as your ransom,
   Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
   and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
   peoples in exchange for your life. 

 So today started as an 'off' day because of the dream and the fears it represents.  But it doesn't have to end as an off day.  It can (and will) be redeemed by God's grace.

....and no this won't be a huge update post.  I've just been asked several times when I'm going to post something to my blog again and since I haven't had a chance to upload all the apartment update photos I figured I would at least let you know I'm still alive.

Swamped, but alive :)

I have a huge deadline looming - December 31 to be exact.  That's when the company's website launches.  That's when I can finally stop working 10 hour days.  That's when I can reclaim my life :)

So if you don't hear from me in the next few weeks don't worry - it's because I'm coding the other website so that I can finish it on time.  Or at least on the revised timeline.  By Dec 31st.

If you think about it - pray for my sanity - specifically coherence of thought as I'm tying databases together.  And for my eyesight as staring at screens all day when it's so dark out side even with the office lights on is rough :) 'Tis the season of light-induced and ocular migraine's for me.  So I'll always have a bottle of Excedrin on me for those who also suffer...

Quick update since I can't resist - I'm here, I'm typing - why not?

I was in CT this past weekend at the Revolve Tour with 13-16 year old girls as a chaperon.  Fun times.  Also reminded me of how old I am LOL.  I had a great group of girls though - and the weekend went so well Katie was left wondering when the ball would drop so-to-speak.  But thankfully none did- It was the Lord - we were and are still thankful :)  The night before we left I slept at Katie B's house and dreamed about presenting a poem/song I had written in Latin to the pope for him to critique.  He loved the first verse but wasn't keen on the other two.  I remember 'verit' being in it and it translating into something about John - whether Baptist or the Apostle I don't recall.  I remembered the dream after seeing a sticker on the bus steps that said 'kneeling bus' which I thought ironic :)

This week - I head to Ohio to prepare for the board meeting presentation this Friday.  I'm picking up a coworker from the airport at 6:30, which means I'm leaving NY around 11-ish.  Just in time to beat the storm that's supposed to be coming in.  Hopefully I won't be driving through it as I head south.

Speaking of driving, pray that what ever is going on with my car is fixed.  My car did not pass inspection the first time because there were too many 'not ready' warnings.  No check engine issues, it just 'wasn't ready'.  Which makes no sense to me, but apparently after many days of start and stop driving it's supposed to reset the car's EEPROM chipset and be ready to be inspected once again.  It would be a huge blessing if that could take place tomorrow, so I can drive my car to Ohio and not one of my parent's.  That and apparently there are now chunks of 'stop leak' coolant system sealant that didn't dissolve correctly over the weekend, so my car has been overheating, which is has never done in the 6 years I've owned it.  So tomorrow on top of trying to get it inspected my dad will also be suctioning the coolant system so I don't over heat when I (hopefully) take it to Ohio on Wednesday.

Thursday is prep for the Board meeting presentation, and Friday is the presentation to the Board.  Not really concerned about the presentation aspect, provided I can get a few more pages on the website done. 

Then I head home on Friday after the meeting, probably around 1 PM, to try to make it in time to grab dress rehearsal shots at my parent's church's musical thing that evening at 7pm.  Then Saturday I'll probably head to the Finger Lakes, for some much needed respite.

Ok - a much longer update that anticipated, but hey.  You should know me by now :)

long title I realize... sums up what I've been dreaming pretty well. Just as a heads up - this first one gets a little gory. I try not to really lay out all the bloody details, but they are bloody as it's a warfare dream. Feel free to skip it if you'd prefer. I won't be offended. Blogging them is cathartic - it helps me put them away and focus on real life :) Two nights ago:

I'm on what appears to be a very small oil rig - it's on stilts, and has at least two levels. It's made out of wood - and wood that looks like it's been exposed to the elements for a very long time. The wood appears soft and rotten in places and the boards give when I walk over them. Every available inch of wood is covered in either hanging moss or old decaying jungle vines.

The lowest level is where we all start. There is an enclosed area with wall on all sides, and only one opening that I can tell. Outside this room there is a large deck that surrounds the center room, with partitions sectioning off parts of the deck. Some of these spaces are almost cave-like as their ceilings are low.

I am with a group of people all dressed in jungle fatigues - no helmets. We are playing a game - or at least that's what this group thinks. I apparently believe that it's more than a game, but no one is paying any heed to my warnings.

We are given weapons, with a very limited supply of ammo and told that the first wave is coming. Everyone rushes out to discover that the first wave is a human-like creature, only they are 7 feet tall with very long arms and sharp-clawed two-fingered hands. They have flesh colored skin with a bit of grey tone, but after only a few minutes everything is speckled in blood - and not just creatures - human blood abounds as well.

I am standing, watching all of this as if it's not really happening. One of my friends pulls me aside and snaps me out of it. The first wave is finished, now for the second. We have a brief respite to stock up on ammo and determine a better defensive position before the next wave hits. I already have these flares even though no one else was provided them. I follow my friend to one of the small cave-like alcoves on the first level of this makeshift jungle oil rig.

The space is only 2-3 foot high - high enough for us to site comfortably under the protective roof. We have sturdy walls on three and a half sides and only one 6 foot opening in the center of what now looks like an 8 foot wall to defend. I am in the back left corner, my friend sits to my left on the wall near the opening. There are two others in this room. I recognize one of them.

The second wave is coming. Only it's not humanoids. It's 3 foot long, 6 inch in diameter worms with a circular mouth with teeth - similar to a lamprey or a tapeworm. They are hideous. Pink-grey fleshy colored once again, and already bloodied from 'cleaning' up after the first wave.

We get out our flares which are set up like bullets in a stripper clip - all pointed up and lined next to each other. We set them up as a fence along the one opening. My friend - he isn't alarmed at the worms. It's almost as if he's done this before - which he has. It's how he knows to use the flares for this wave. This is when I begin to wonder what game I'm in.

We light the flares. The worms try to crawl over them to get to us, but the flames ignite the ooze covering there outer skins. They writhe as they die, squealing. I want the noise to stop. Those in the small room with me are dozing off.

The second wave is complete. I wonder what's in store for the third wave. I return with my friends to the central room on the first level. They are all wearing a cape-like overcoat with a purple interior and what looks to be red or gold stars. I want to know where mine is.

"You don't get one until you survive the third wave," I'm told. I look around the room for other 'recruits' like me - ones without the cape. There are none. I am the only recruit to have survived the first and second waves. I remember the group before the first wave meeting in this same room - they are all gone. I fight panic.

My friends tell me there's a weapons cache on the third level that I must access before the third wave. I start my climb to what is like a larger version of a crows nest. It reminds me of a guard shack. There I find the weapons cache. I stock up, very relieved to have a powerful gun and plenty of ammo with which to fight off the third wave.

I am back in the central area again, getting briefed on the third wave. The enemy has used humans to incubate the third wave - deforming their abdomen as if they were pregnant. The humans gestating the enemy have lost all mind control to the thing inside them, and act very much like flesh-eating zombies. The General in the central room thinks it's disgusting that they would take the test to this kind of level. I am not sure if I will survive the third wave. I am beginning to believe that this is some sort of high-level training program and for some reason I've been selected to continue in it.

So yeah. No, I haven't been reading about aliens, or playing any alien games or anything near as gruesome as what I've described. I can pick out a few things that make sense. The dream is reminiscent of a zombies level, I did some target practice at the G's this past weekend, getting the chance to fire some really nice weapons which made an appearance in the dream, and elements of it like the stress are probably coming from this huge project I'm working on... Strange regardless :) Last night:

Impressions of meeting up with my ex again - him who I haven't seen in about 10 years. Finding he's figured out where he needed to be and decided to come back for me hoping that I was still available. I am at peace when I'm with him even though I know it can't possibly be for real. He will leave me a second time. I decide to settle with what I can enjoy in the short term instead of standing up for myself. Foolish choice if I think about it rationally. But I don't because I'm dreaming.

There is another part of this dream that I can't quite piece together. it's like it's there - just floating outside my recollection. Funny thing is, I remembered it when I woke up this morning. It was only later in the morning when I recalled seeing my ex did that part of the dream disappear.

And I always have an off day when I dream about my ex. Always. So it's no wonder that today I feel like I'm in limbo. Stuck in the same routine, yet desperately longing for a change. Road trip anyone?

I would love to, but until this major project is done I can't. Maybe in the spring. My desire for change is from my desire to escape from the pressures that I face at work. Which is actually going really well. Apparently I'm worrying about it through my dreams...

So we'll see what tonight brings.

And on another note, if you made it this far I applaud you! Here's a reward: I've had a few of you ask how I got my text to wrap around my photos. First, you need to go to the settings tab and look under 'formatting'. Find the "Enable float alignment" and make sure it says 'Yes'. Next - and here's probably going to be the sticking point - you need to use blogger's 'add image' button. Once you click that little 'add image' icon you'll get a choice of how to place the image on the page. Select the one you want and voilà - text wraps around the image :)

If you're using another program to place your photos let me know which one you're using and I'll see if I can come up with a solution for you :)

And with that - I'm off to bed and most likely another intense dreaming session. 'Night!

Listening to: Nothing! Left my iPod in my purse so this has been a silent zone with the exception of the rain on the steel roof. Always did like that sound... except I have to walk back through a downpour to get to bed...hmmm....
Reading: 'The Atlantis Revelation' by Thomas Greanias. Third book in the trilogy - finished 'The Atlantis Prophecy' last night and started this one immediately. Once again good so far.
Studying: 'Living Beyond Yourself' by Beth Moore. Week 3: Greatest of These is Love. Still working on week 3.
FB Friends: Read it in situ here: dreamsync.blogspot.com

So yeah - lots of very detailed dreams the last two nights... I'll post one and just journal the other...

I'm in an old house... and now it's a college dorm room - it changes just as I determine it's a house. My parents are moving me in, but they don't approve of the place or of the furniture. In my bedroom there is an old metal fabricated closet from the 70's that needs cleaning, so I start on it. I can see grime in the slots where the doors close and I'm working it out with a paper towel. It is gold metal with fake wood panels on the front.

I'm in Walmart - only it's like a 'science' Walmart where there are exhibits everywhere. They've brought me in as a design consultant for interactive exhibits. I'm carrying a clipboard and jotting down notes of placement and experiment type and I'm talking with someone who is walking ahead of me. They don't seem to care what I have to say about things and I can't understand why they aren't as interested in this kind of stuff as I am.

So yeah - much more visually intense than I'm describing here. On top of that I'm pretty sure that there are other parts I'm confusing with past dreams.

It's really hard to describe 'waking' up in a place that doesn't exist in the real world and feeling as if you're awake, only the colors and sounds are so much more alive. Imagine listening to your favorite song on an old tape player and thinking it's great - then listening to the same song from a high def digital recording on 7.1 Surround Sound. It becomes almost like a different song - so new and yet so familiar.

This happened to me in the past week - it was incredible the difference between listening to the song in my car (which has an excellent system) and then listening to it on my high-end speaker & subwoofer in my office. It actually brought tears to my eyes it was so much more powerful. I literally had to stop what I was doing just to listen to the song. It reminds me of what 1 Corinthians says in chapter 13 verse 12:

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

Interestingly, I'm studying Love as one fruit of the Spirit this week and the verse that follows that one is "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I've always found it interesting how the Lord uses my dreams to help me process things I'm learning. And no worries - I've never been one to elevate my fallen subconscious ramblings above what Scripture communicates. :)

Unfortunately the details of this dream are overshadowed by Tuesday night's dream. That one was a bit more disturbing and strange than this one, hence why I'm just journaling it and not posting. Sorry for those of you really interested in reading how my psyche processes things :)

Listening to: My 5 star playlist - right now that means I'm listening to "Beauty Hides in the Deep" by The Doppler Effect.
Reading: Stil working on 'Raising Atlantis' by Thomas Greanias. Good so far, and quite a few references to Christianity in a mostly positive way which is kind of surprising.
Studying: 'Living Beyond Yourself' by Beth Moore. Week 3: Greatest of These is Love.
FB Friends: Read it in situ here: dreamsync.blogspot.com

But before I get to that... had a great time at prayer and praise last night. Always encouraging to read scripture, pray in thankfulness and about burdens, and fellowship over snacks :)

Was going to try to grab some photos of the Perseid meteor shower last night seeing as I got home after midnight. Unfortunately is was too bright with the moon and a bit too cloudy. The stars I did see were beautiful though. I'm in Ohio tonight so I may try again.

If you're reading this on facebook, it's because I'm importing my feed. Started blogging again - read it in situ here: dreamsync.blogspot.com

and now for the dream...

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I'm at missions conference - sitting close to a screen where a DVD is playing that is showing the classic scenery of the west - I see Bryce Canyon on the large screen. THe colors seem muted to me. I look to my left where my father is sitting next to me. "I've been there" I said, knowing that he has too. I turn my head back to the screen and see an inset of the Missionary who put the promotional DVD together - he's preaching to a group at a facility in the mountain. I am impressed by the quality of the video.

I'm at the same facility I saw in the video. No recollection of how I got there, only that I am alone and it appears to be deserted. It's in a rocky valley high in the mountains, near or in Estes Park. I am standing in the valley with the facility on my left, a rocky steppe to my right, and some open area like a trail head in front of me where the small valley opens up. The facility is built into the side of the valley and open like a bunker or a food buffet on the valley side.

I walk up to the opening and find cold packs of all shapes and sizes in the stainless steel food bins when I lean into the opening. I wonder who left them, and why no one has come back to get them. I try to start collecting them to take back but realize I don't have a bag. I walk in through a door farther down to my left and enter the area with the ice packs. They are stil cold even though it's room temperature everywhere else. I see discarded food wrappers and pamphlets and wonder why the ministry would have left all their trash up here. I decide to call my father and ask him if I should pick this stuff up.

I pull out my cell and dial him, but the call won't go through. I'm surrounded by too much metal, so I exit the facility and try again. Someone answers, but I can't understand what they are saying.

I see people start to come up the trailhead to look at the facility as if it were an attraction on the trail. A park ranger dressed in green uniform and hat - the kind with the brim all the way around like a state trooper - is checking with every group he sees to make sure they have a map. If you don't have a map, you can't be in the area. I don't have a map.

He approaches me and asks if I have a map. I try to explain why I'm here without a map, and offer to buy one from him. That is acceptable, so I pull out my wallet and hand him my visa check card. He somehow has the card cover and not the card and is very confused - almost frightened - by it. I laugh and hand him the card I thought I had just handed him.

I get a map and lay it out on one of the rock outcroppings that has a flat surface. I ask the ranger about the trails, I'm looking for one in particular called 'Tenebrae'. All the words on the map are in Latin which doesn't surprise me. But the trail I thought was tenebrae isn't - it's another Latin term that isn't familiar. The map looks a lot older than the one I just bought from the ranger. The ink is faded and old, the text in all caps.

There are three trails on the map I'm focusing on - they are aligned like a combination of a Greek lambda and pi. One trail to the north heading east and west with a slight northwest slant. That one is tenebrae. The second and third head north-south - the far west one slants northeast, the far east slants northwest, but less than the far west trail. Both have latin names starting with 'tene'. I can make out letters in both.

I ask about hiking with the group on Tenebrae but he says it starts at 10:30 and it takes two hours to get there from here. He tries to discourage me from going as the trail guide leading that group is apparently really wordy and gets on people's nerves. I find it odd that the ranger is discouraging me from going on that path.

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So then I woke up. And decide to do a word search on the terms I saw.

Tenebrae = darkness

I know this term because it was the title of a Good Friday cantata I've done with the HFC choir twice. Beautiful classically arranged cantata, focused on the somberness of Christ's death. Hence the title of 'Darkness'. Interesting that the ranger in my dream discouraged me from the path of 'darkness'.

The other two were a bit of a challenge. I went to an online Latin dictionary and just looked at the words that start with 'tene' and picked out the two most like the words in my dream. I didn't read through all the meanings first and then pick them, I just picked them based on the letter structure.

Southern trail to the west: tenenciarius = a tenant
Southern trail to the east: tenebricosus = dark

In any case the only Latin I can really claim was in the dream was tenebrae. Darkness.

And I have an idea of where this is coming from, so it's not that freaky. Still, the Latin I pulled out about 'a tenant dark' is a little disconcerting...

ok...back to reality :)

So I've decided to start a new blog.. partly because the one I was using hasn't been touched in at least a year, and partly because I'm currently going through a pretty significant life rearrangement right now. So what better way to celebrate then to vent to everyone out in the ether about it :)

When I get a chance I'll decorate my new online space. And I'll probably transfer some online content, namely my dreams which are very vivid and detailed. Still are, I just haven't had an outlet to start documenting them again. Soon...

 Hello again.....I've got precious little time to do this today....lunch is over and it's hiccuped on me so I'm having to retype a lot of the stuff I had in here already.....Valentine's Day was nice---went out to dinner with some friends which beat sitting at home, unpacking....anyway had a freaky dream the night of the 13th......

Dad and I were at Ridge, in the old church building. It was dark, almost a twilight dark blue hue over everything....some guys came up on my dad and shot him in the shoulder. Dad fired back as he went down and took out the one guy. I grabbed Dad’s long barrel rifle and shot the other guy about to kill me twice and he went down.

I went to Dad and we put a bandage on his left shoulder where the bullet had gone clean through and made him a sling. Then I put latex gloves on and cleaned all my prints off the gun and moved the bodies. This happened in the coat room above the step to the fellowship hall in the basement. I stuffed one of the guys in the corner rack right by the stair going up. The other one was left on the ground. Dad said that we should grab some supplies and make for the woods because they would think that he had killed them in cold blood. I thought that was foolish and that we should wait for the cops and explain what happened.

Needless to say I followed my dad’s instructions and we went to the woods. We were sitting on wet partially rotted tree stumps in the wet woods when someone came and found us and told us that the police were at the building. I was suddenly looking at the coroner putting the body on the floor on a stretcher and taking it up the stairs, walking by the other body stuffed in the closet without noticing it. The weird part was they hadn’t turned on any lights. And the bodies—the skin was almost glowing whitish blue...an unearthly hue, and there was no blood.

Then I was back in the woods with dad and he said we should turn ourselves in. I told him that I should take the heat because they would see it as self defense in my case. He agreed and I remember sitting in the police station with cuff on thinking that I was going to get off completely clean. They had the cuffs on for procedure; I was getting off with self defense. It was obvious.

So read and analyze then give me your insight  Gotta run...lots of work to do before tonight....

Hello there :)  I'm at lunch and since I'm pretty sure I won't have a chance to put anything in here till tomorrow night I've added the promised dream from my journal, so here's one from May 16, 2002. It's a longer one....enjoy.....

I was at a school—one with dark red brick walls and deep mahogany wood doors and windows. I was dressed in a ‘school girl’ outfit—red and deep green plaid skirt and white top. I think my hair was in pigtails as well. I had a little black backpack. I remember walking through the halls looking for a specific room—when I found it my Aunt Ann was in there; she was the teacher. I went in and noticed that my black suit was hanging on the door—only it had been modified to fit someone with a perfect hourglass figure. It also had some cut-out design on the lapels. So it was a bit different from my suit.

I’m not sure what happened from there…..I started dreaming about my fish. I had a tank set up only it didn’t have just my goldfish….it had a gray—almost white catfish, as well as a blue lobster. But the tank was weird. It was like a huge expanse—there was no scenery—only white background, the greenish tint of the aquarium glass, the black molding of the tank, the brick red gravel, and me. It was like we were surrounded by a great white nothingness. Maybe it was more like a long expanse of beach…

I remember finding this worm looking thing floating in the tank—it was yellow and it turned out to be a tiny lace seahorse that kept stretching out and curling up. I was afraid something in my tank would eat it. Somehow the tank tipped over and the fish were lying on this red sand beach—only there were no waves and no water that I could see. I remember looking at the tipped tank and realizing my fish were all going to die—and how was I to find the small seahorse? I can see the fish lying there—especially my two large black moors—gills pumping, trying to get as much life out of the air as they could.

I tipped the tank up and filled it with water (from who knows where). I picked up each fish and placed it back in the tank and was able to find the seahorse. I remember thinking I need to get my betta into a different tank so I can put the seahorse in the breeder tank so I guess my betta was there too.

remember looking in the tank again and finding a large white/silver floating thing. It started to sink and I thought it was a dead fish. When I pulled it out of the tank it turned out to be some sort of weird fish food—wrapped in silver plastic shaped like a fish. It had a blue and orange label on it with a fish symbol. I remember reading the label and it said that I could leave it in the tank without worrying about having it grow fungus---it had large amounts of glucose in it that prevented fungus growth. I remember thinking that didn’t make any sense—wouldn’t sugar encourage fungus & algae growth? Anyway, when I opened the package and ripped some of the food up, it had the consistency of bread. I almost ate some but refrained realizing it was fish food—yuck…….I fed some to my black moors and made sure the catfish and lobster got some, but there was another crustacean in there that had all the arms for feeding—it didn’t look like a crab though—more like a sentinel from the Matrix.

Somehow I ended up walking gray brick streets—they reminded me of this one place in Ireland that had concrete pillars that lined the sidewalk. I was walking to this caged area—I think I had the tank under my arm. It had shrunken considerably. I walked up to the fencing and wondered how we were going to get the…the what?….I can’t remember what was beyond the fence—it was all white and fuzzy again.

It was like I was seeing the shadows of everything around me and not the actual people. It was like I was two people at the same time—I was twins or something—back in the school girl uniform.

No need to really analyze this one.  It's been too long to try to figure out what was going through my head.  Feel free to comment though.....