Dream•sync

Had a dream last night and woke up with a killer headache.

I am watching a young, petite blonde girl put an earring in her left hear.  She tilts her head and looks at me asking a question.  I have a clipboard with a checklist on it.  It's for preparations for this girl's wedding which is happening in a few hours.  She's had her hair and makeup done and she's getting ready for photographs.  She is not yet wearing her dress.  I am her wedding coordinator.  I am wearing a black dress with wider straps with a figure 8 configuration of fabric at the breast, hourglass form fitting through the waist and hip with a slight flair at the floor.

We appear to be outside now, green grass on either side of a grey cobblestone path. Japanese Cherry trees are in blossom.  I am looking at myself from a distance.  My cell phone rings and I watch myself answer it.

I'm back 'inside' myself again, talking on the phone to a friend.  He says he is getting married soon, but that he isn't telling his parents or the rest of his family because he knows they wouldn't approve.  They would make him wait.  I look at the bride I'm preparing and it hits me all at once - he is marrying this girl who I've been helping.  They met at a Wal-Mart while he was looking to buy a handheld video camera. She was behind the counter.  I see it as a flashback.

My heart is leaping out of my chest with panic.  He can't marry this girl - he doesn't know anything about her.  I choke back words while on the phone with him.  Trying to tactfully tell him he's wrong.  That she isn't right for him - that he's supposed to be with me.

I don't say it though.  I don't confess my feelings to him.  Before we hang up he asks if I will be there.  I will be.

I debate in my head on what to do.  I have helped this girl prep for her wedding and now I'm going to ruin it for her.  Maybe I want to. How could I not know she was marrying him? 

At minimum I must make it plain to him how I feel before he takes this path.  I form a plan to object to the wedding at that moment where they ask if anyone has any objections. I do.  I most certainly do.

He will listen, won't he?  He will understand, right?  He will look at me with new eyes and wonder how he could have been so blind - or so I pray. I fear that will not be the case. 

Cue massive headache.

Yes - I actually dreamed all of those details - they are not confabulation.  As for the meaning - well lots of things are in transition for me which would play into the feeling of trying to plan stuff and not having all the info - the 'uncertainty' factor and the resulting steps of faith I will be taking.  Blonde girl - carry over from some show I watched yesterday.  Wedding theme?  Well I have played coordinator recently, and I've been reading Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity which could account for most of it. The feeling of being overlooked is something I've blogged about before. 

I am readjusting to life in the north.  After almost two weeks in Texas I had adjusted to the dry air and the heat.  Now I'm in the cool air and the moist and my lungs are objecting.  My chest is tight when I breathe.  Thankful for my inhaler.

I'm finding it hard to believe it's been so long since my last blog.  It's not that nothing has happened.  It's just that I haven't felt like blogging it :)  Journaling - yes.  Blogging - no.

I'm thinking it's time for a blog layout update as well.  I want to design my own this time... with whatever free time I do have which isn't much.  The last few days I've been cleaning up the apartment.  My cat did not like that I was gone for such a length of time.  And unfortunately at some point my doors were left open when no one was over here and I'm pretty sure she had visitors.  Slowly I'm getting it clean. Thankful it's not as bad as it could have been.  It's still not pleasant.

I was reading in II Timothy 1 Tuesday and the verse that's around my neck now on a dog tag stuck out (verse 7 to be exact):

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

And as I continued reading I stumbled across the verse that has been rolling around in my head in the form of the old hymn "I Know Whom I Have Believed".  When I checked the lyrics this particular verse stuck out to me:

♫♪ I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

But I know Whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day. ♫♪

My heart is heavy as the verse describes.  If you continue reading in II Timothy 1 here's what it says:

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me [Paul] His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.

For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.

I've head several friends going through pretty challenging circumstances, each of which need to be bathed in prayer.  I've also been wrestling with different areas in my own life that I need to constantly recommit to the Lord. So the tune replays in my head over and over...

I know Whom I have believed.

I am persuaded.

He is able.

---

Listening to: Dirty Little Secret (Thievery Corporation Remix) - Sarah McLachlan
Reading: The Scarpetta Factor by Patricia Cornwell, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliott
Crafting: 2 different cross-stitch projects
Studying: Forgotten God by Francis Chan