Dream•sync

Wow what an interesting few days it's been for myself and a close friend.  And what a very long time it's been since I actually posted something on the blog.  Strange how quickly time flies...

I'm sitting in my office working on a day when the corporate office is closed.  The wind is blustery today and has given a ... what's the word I want...  transient feel to the day.  Like nothing is stable. 

Strangely enough it's not unlike what is happening in my life and others.  I'm still wrestling with my current state.  My friends can tell you of how many people have gotten engaged in the last 3 weeks.  Too many to count on two hands.  I am very happy for each of them.  Really happy.  But at the same time each one of these blessed announcements is a chance for me to become despondent at my own state of singleness.  It's only a chance - and the evil one loves to take those opportunities to convince me yet again that I am unworthy.  That there is something wrong with me or that I've done something so horribly wrong that the Lord is 'punishing me' with this time of singleness.

Which is false - and yet it is so easy to give into those thoughts. 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..."
                                                                  2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (my emphasis)

And that brings me to the reason for writing this blog in the first place.  It's so important to remember that the war we are fighting is primarily a spiritual one.  One that can manifest itself in the careless comments of others, or the assumptions and misunderstandings between friends.  It can manifest in so many different ways. In my case it was in a dream I had this past Sunday morning. I cannot recall much of the beginnings of that dream, but the end result of it had me awake at 3:30 am, heart & mind racing.

I am traveling with my friend Katie in her car.  I am vaguely aware that we are traveling with a group of people, and that there is something we must be cautious about.  I have somehow obtained a silver pistol - like a Colt .45 - only the barrel looks as if it's been modified.  It also has pins or brackets that pop out of the bottom of the handle for the purpose of doing more damage when hitting someone with the butt of the gun.

Katie and I are walking back to her car after stopping at a rest stop.  I am talking to her about plans for something and sit in the passenger seat of her car, gun on my lap, still talking to her as she walks around the back of the vehicle.  I notice it is taking her too long to make the trek and call her name.

I hear her scream coming from behind the car.  I leap up, gun in hand from the passenger side and face what I can only call a shadow figure who has come up behind Katie and put one arm around her neck and the other around her waist, trying to drag her away from the car.  When this figure sees me it releases her and moves towards me in a rapid and very jerky motion.  Almost as if it was a bad film recording.  Jerky and flickering on the horizontal plane while in one location, then 'woosh' to the next location, all jerky and flickering.

I barely have time to raise the gun to shoot the thing from hip level.  I get it right in the gut just before it reaches me.

And then I wake up.

And some of you reading this are like - "wow scary dream but how do you know it was a spiritual attack and not some bad pizza wreaking revenge?"  

There are a few ways I can tell.  First - I've experienced attacks of this kind before.  And in every case the figure is never clearly defined.  It is always in shadow.  Second, when I tell my dreams like this to mentors in the faith, they are usually the ones to flag them as an attack even before I suggest that it might be one.  Third, my own spirit usually alarms at things that aren't 'normal' nightmares.

What's really interesting is when the person being attacked in my dream can confirm a similar dream at virtually the same time.  When I shared with Katie about this dream she confirmed a similar figure in her dream trying to do her harm.  Hearing that at first really creeped me out :)  But upon further discussion with friends and mentors, it's a blessing.  A blessing to know that the Lord can use us even in dreams to come to the aid of a friend.

In this case my weapon in the dream was a silver Colt .45.  Upon waking it was prayer.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood,
       but against the rulers,
       against the authorities,
       against the cosmic powers over this present darkness,
       against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

Stand therefore,
     having fastened on the belt of truth,
     and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
     and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
     In all circumstances take up the shield of faith,
                      with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;
     and take the helmet of salvation,
     and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,
                      praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.

To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints...

                                                                             Ephesians 6:10-18 (my emphasis)

So how about you?  Have you armed yourself today?  I'll be the first to confess I do a poor job of equipping myself for battle.  But the Lord's not finished with me - and He still chooses to use me despite myself. And for that I am eternally thankful.

---

Listening to: The wind...
Reading: "Sacred Waiting" by David Timms.  Thoroughly enjoying his examination of waiting in the lives of Noah, Abraham, David and Jesus... looking forward to the second half of the book...
Crafting: One large crib sheet, One announcement framing, one Christmas gift with a wonderful saying and the repair of a friend's necklace.  This time of year is busy in so many ways...
Studying: Good question... I need to get back into my Beth Moore study on David...

First, I got more personal comments via text and phone and in person from my last blog than I ever expected.  It was a difficult post to write because it's so much easier to 'bury' those feelings of inadequacy.  Yet it is such a comfort to know that others have felt similarly, and take encouragement from my 'battle cry' (which honestly when I wrote that was more of a whimper... but words have power, and the more I read them the more Truth was written on my heart :)

In any case, thanks to those who contacted me.  And praise be to God that anything I say has eternal value - it's all because of Him.

Which brings us to today's post :) 


Brown Sugar Bundt Cake & Buttery Brown Sugar Sauce
Adapted from the Betty Crocker Spring 2007 'Indulgent Desserts' magazine, page 24.

Prep Time: 45 minutes
Start to Finish: 4 hours roughly
Yield: 1 bundt cake and some lovely caramel sauce (recipe follows the cake recipe)

My Plan of Attack: I work from home 8 - 5 every day, so I can't take a huge chunk of time to make this.  Instead I break it up.  Make the bundt cake over lunch hour and stick it in the oven right before going back to work (which obviously only works if you work from home :).  Bake it as described, let it cool in the pan, then flip onto a cooling rack until work is done.  After work, make the sauce and plate the cake.


Brown Sugar Bundt Cake

Ingredients

• 2 1/4 cup flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 4 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 3/4 cup milk

Substitutions/eliminations:

• You can completely forget the baking powder and salt and it makes a wonderful pound-like cake.  I say 'forget' because that's what I did when I made this yesterday lol :)  The cake turned out wonderfully, very moist and slightly more dense than normal.

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Grease and flour a 12-cup bundt pan or angel food cake pan.  I used butter and completely forgot the flour - not recommended.  The cake did not want to come out yesterday. So be sure to flour your pan after greasing.  This is easy in case you aren't sure how to do it - take a little flour, stick it in the greased pan and tap the flour around, covering the grease.  Tap out any extra flour once the pan has a nice even flour coating to it.
3. Mix the flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl.  Or not if you want a more dense & moist pound cake :).  Then just measure out the flour in that bowl. 
4. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugars (brown and granulated).  I usually do this with a pastry cutter to help eliminate lumps.  Be sure your butter is completely softened otherwise it will take much longer to get the batter to the right consistency.  This is where a kitchen aid mixer comes in very handy.  I like to start creaming the butter and sugars together by hand before adding them to the kitchen aid.  It gives them a head start and I don't have to scrape the sides of the bowl as often.  Use the paddle attachment, and finish creaming the sugars & butter together on a low or mix setting.  Then ramp it up to medium mixing speed for 5 minutes.  Scrape the bowl occasionally.  The mixture will become light and a bit fluffy.
5. Add one egg at a time, waiting until each is completely mixed in before adding the next. 
6. Add the vanilla.
7. Reduce your mixing speed to low, then alternate adding a little of the flour mixture, with adding a bit of the milk. Once those have both been completely added, continue mixing until the batter looks smooth.  I ramped up the mixer every once in a while which probably added a little air to it - this isn't an issue.  'Smooth' is probably a relative term here - my batter looked a little grainy, and was the consistency of a fluffy, heavy paste. 
8. Spoon the batter into your pre-greased & floured bundt pan.  Even it out as best you can, then stick it in the oven to bake.
9. Bake the cake for anywhere from 50 minutes to an hour and 10 minutes.  It all depends on your oven and the weather honestly - you'd be surprised how much humidity impacts baking :) You can stick a toothpick in to see if it's done, or do what we used to when I baked cakes in a large kitchen for camp - you do the 'sponge' test.  Carefully (don't burn yourself!!) take your fingers on the center part of the cake and lightly press.  If the cake is done, it should act kind of like a sponge when pressed.  It should slightly return to it's original spot.  You'll feel resistance if it's done.
10. Pull the cake out and cool itin the pan for 10 minutes.
11. Here's where the floured pan comes into play - take a cooling rack and place it over the pan, then using hot pads flip the rack and pan over.  If it worked the pan should come off.  If it didn't you may have to tap the pan with a spoon on the bottom to get it to release the cake.  Don't fret if some of it gets stuck to the pan, just carefully work those out and place them right back on your cake.  It won't affect the taste ;) 
12. Allow the cake to completely cool, at least 2 hours. 
13. Plating - find a nice round plate to put the cake on - I put mine right in my cake carrier for transport, no plate necessary.  Serve with the warm sauce you'll make from the recipe below.

 Buttery Brown Sugar Sauce

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter
• 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons milk
• 1 tablespoon light corn syrup
• 1 teaspoons vanilla

Directions:

1. In a 2 quart saucepan, heat all the ingredients - except for the vanilla.  Bring to boiling over medium heat stirring constantly.  You must stir constantly otherwise the sugar and milk may burn which makes for a very bad tasting sauce.
2. Boil and stir for 2 minutes.
3. Remove from heat and cool to room temperature.
4. Once cool, stir in the vanilla.
5. Serve the sauce warm, drizzle over the cake (or ice cream, or cookies, or whatever else you can find to drizzle it over :)

I actually didn't add the milk or the vanilla to the sauce until after it had cooled slightly.  It was still quite warm when I added both, and the sauce turned out just fine.  In fact last night everyone was drizzling it over just about anything they cold find.  The sauce recipe is definitely a keeper... I'll have to see what it's like over ice cream...

In any case, enjoy :)

I went to bed last night feeling content after a day that started at 6 AM, included a 2-hour drive home, one appointment at 9, a run to AutoZone for new pads and rotors at 10, then a full day of work.  Got a text from my sister Val who also had an interesting afternoon and discovered she had no food in her apartment, so she came over and I fixed Beef Stroganoff - a dish that I love (who wouldn't love beef and pasta in a wonderful sauce?  :)  She stopped and bought salad and ghiradelli brownie mix on the way, and we had a lovely dinner at my table.  I know I've blogged about this before, but I feel so blessed to be able to do stuff like that on the fly - make dinner and have people over.  Thankfully I had all the ingredients for the meal :)

Anyway, my dad stopped over and had a brownie while I tried to find the information he needed on his military retirement.  We got that situated and then I had a wonderful conversation with my good friend Katie :)  And we talked about things happening in my life, and things happening in her life.  Things that are difficult but I believe ultimately good.

All of that apparently set the stage for this dream.

 I am being asked by and older gentleman to play the part of a fly fisher for the start of his movie - I think it's a commercial of some sort, but I can't be sure.  All I know is that I am to stand on a dock fly fishing - swinging my pole back and forth without actually fishing.   I am excited about this as for the past few years I've taken an interest in fly fishing.

I am practicing by myself at the edge of the water, chest waders on, flicking my fly on the surface.  It's a lake beach.  I realize the fly is huge - it's emerald green and looks more like a spoon lure than a fly.  I am able to keep flicking it in the water without it getting wet.  The older gentleman approaches - he is wearing sand -colored khakis and a similar colored, yet speckled sweater.  His hair is gray - He tells me I'm getting the hang of it and then asks how I can keep the fly dry.  I tell him about the float powder and wax that you can use to keep the fly floating - but I'm not using any of those.

I am standing on a dock surrounded by a whole bunch of people that I don't know - people who look familiar to me, but I've somehow just met.   They are crowded onto a boat that is tied up to the dock.  I look down and see the dock planking - it is gray and weathered like it's been there a long time.  We are not ready to shoot the film yet, so I'm flicking my fly into the water again - and I look down into the water - it's black yet clear - and I see this enormous fish.  It has vertical stripes on it and a huge dorsal fin - with spines that have to be 8 inches long connected by webbing, similar to a sunfish only much bigger.  This fish must be at least 4 or 5 feet long and it's just hovering partially under the dock.  I call people over to take a look.  They tell me that's a poison fish - that the spines are very dangerous.  I don't believe them.  They tell me I should try to catch it.  I protest saying my fly rod would snap - it's not designed for fish that big.  I hold my pole up and look at the specs printed on the side of the rod but can't find the one that I'm looking for to prove my point. So I throw my fly in where I think the fish's head is.

It's just hovering there like it's in a fish tank too small for it.  I lean over and think I see a scuba diver's face looking up at me from the water.  It disappears.  I feel a tug on my line and think 'I've caught it' only to real in a soft fish-eel looking thing that appears to be like a fat footlong hotdog in a weird bun.  i have hooked it funny through the lip - I find it strange.  I am proud of my catch and hold it up to everyone for their approval.  They laugh and smile appropriately, but I can sense something off.  Like a joke I am unaware of.

I am rummaging through a pack of supplies given to me by the older gentleman.  In it I find the stuffed mascot that represents the crew that I'm filming with.  It is the same thing that I hooked early in the day, only the one I hooked seemed real at the time.  How could I have mistaken it for a real fish?  I realize that I did see a diver and that they had hooked this mascot on to my hook as a joke played on me by the whole group. 

I am walking through a green campus.  People are everywhere - lounging in the perfectly manicured green grass under precisely placed decorative maples.  It is a college campus.  As I walk through people look at me with jeering contempt.  'How could she be so stupid?  So gullible?' I hear under their breath.  I do not belong and they want me to understand that.

I do not belong.  I am unworthy.  I am without hope.

And that is what I woke up to this morning.  Lovely huh?  I believe I know where most of it stems from.  You see, there is this wonderful event coming up this weekend - a square dance.  I have come to love them and dread them all at once.  Love them because they are a lot of fun.  Dread them because I always come away from them feeling unworthy.  Unmatched and unwanted.  So it makes sense that I would dream something about a large group of people and walk away in the dream feeling that way.   Last year I was dreadfully sick so there was a reason not to get asked.  This year I'm not sick - and I dread the 'waiting' on the sidelines.  Last year I had my camera with me - which I often use to keep me distracted.  It's why at weddings I like doing the photography.  It keeps me from thinking too much.  I haven't decided whether to bring it this time.   

So why am I still going you may ask?  Because despite the fears that are being broadcast from my dream, I do belong.  I am not unworthy.  I am not without hope.  But it's a battle for me every time.  A war against fear ruling my life.  I am taken back to one of my favorite passages - Isaiah 43 - as a welcome reminder.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
   and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
 when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
   and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
 I give Egypt as your ransom,
   Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
   and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
   peoples in exchange for your life. 

 So today started as an 'off' day because of the dream and the fears it represents.  But it doesn't have to end as an off day.  It can (and will) be redeemed by God's grace.

I can't tell you how blessed I feel to be in my own kitchen.  A kitchen that has all the equipment I've collected over the last several years.  A kitchen that I picked out appliances for as opposed to using whatever was in the apartment.

It is such a blessing.

And it allows me the opportunity once again to try recipes both new and old.  Including one of my favorites - Chocolate-covered Cheesecake Bites.  I've made these for all kinds of events, from work carry-ins to birthday celebrations and it's become one of my 'signature' desserts I guess.  I've even been told by friends never to bring these to their house ever again (because they couldn't stop eating them :)

So without further ado...

Chocolate-covered Cheesecake Bites

Prep Time: 50 minutes
Start to Finish: 4 hours roughly
Yield: 4 dozen

My Plan of Attack: I work from home 8 - 5 every day, so I can't take a huge chunk of time to make this.  Instead I break it up.  Make the cheesecake over lunch hour, let it cool for an hour on the rack at room temp, then cover and stick in the fridge.  After work, pull it out, cut into pieces and freeze for dipping later that evening.  The following day at lunch do the drizzle and plating.

Ingredients
      Crust

• 1 cup chocolate graham cracker crumbs
• 1/4 cup butter

      Filling

• 1 8oz package cream cheese, softened
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 egg
• 1/4 teaspoon almond extract

       Coating

• 2 1/3 cups semisweet chocolate chips
• 3 tablespoons shortening

       Drizzle

• 2 oz white chocolate
• 1 teaspoon oil

Substitutions/eliminations:

• You can completely remove the almond extract in the cheesecake with little effect.
• Shortening - I looked high and low in my local grocery for a non-vegetable alternative to shortening and found none.  So this batch of coating I made reluctantly with shortening.  You should be able to substitute an animal fat like lard which a friend of mine has been using more recently - i expect her to blog about it soon :)
• Oil - the original recipe calls for vegetable oil.  My favorite oil - Olive - which I use for essentially all my cooking is not really the best thing to use in sweets.  If you have coconut oil you may try using that instead.  Trina - that same friend who's been experimenting with lard - has a great post on where she gets her coconut oil.
• Don't limit yourself to just white chocolate drizzle. This time I've used caramel, and at some point in the future I'd like to try dulce de leche which is a little more solid than the caramel I used. You could top with a fruit as well.

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 300°F.
2. Line and 8x8 square pan with foil so that it extends over the sides of the pan. Coat the foil with butter or cooking spray.
3. Melt the 1/4 cup butter and combine with chocolate graham cracker crumbs in a small bowl.  Press in the bottom of your pan.
4. In a large bowl, cream together the cream cheese and sugar.  I usually do this with a pastry cutter to help eliminate lumps.  Be sure your cream cheese is softened otherwise you'll have chunky cheesecake :)
5. Add the sour cream and beat on medium with an electric mixer.  Scrape the sides as necessary.  Do this until the mixture is smooth and fluffy in appearance. Add the egg and almond extract and beat until completely combined.  Pour this into your crust and even out with a spatula.
6. Bake 30-40 minutes until the edges are set.  The middle will be soft, but will set when cool.  Cool on a baking rack for an hour.  Then cover and transfer to the fridge for at least another hour.  You can leave it in longer if necessary.
7. Prepare two cookie sheets with parchment paper - you can use wax paper as well.  Remove the cheesecake from the pan by lifting the foil, then remove the foil completely and place your square cheesecake on a cutting board.  Cut into 8 rows by 6 rows, making 48 oblong cheescake bites. Place half of these on one cookie sheet, half on the other.
8. Put both sheets in the freezer.  You can try to coat the chilled bites with the hot chocolate but you'll end up very frustrated - trust me :)  Freezing the bites makes coating much simpler.
9. While the bites are freezing, make the chocolate coating.  This is where having a double boiler comes in handy.  Melt the chocolate chips and shortening/lard in the double boiler.  I usually do this on medium to low heat once the water is hot.  If you don't have a double boiler you must be extremely careful when melting chocolate on the stove-top.  It is very easy to burn chocolate - and it tastes awful.... You can try microwaving the chocolate and shortening for 3 minutes on medium heat, stirring and them microwaving in 15 second increments and stirring after each until the chocolate is completely melted. If you like working with chocolate and don't have a double boiler - ask for one for your next birthday or for Christmas :)
10. Once the chocolate coating is ready, Pull one cookie sheet out of the freezer.  Using a fork or toothpick - I actually use fondue forks which are perfect for dipping - dip one bite in the chocolate, lift and drain the excess back into the pot, then place back on the lined cookie sheet.  Do this for the rest of this sheet, then place back in the freezer.  Repeat for the second half of the bites.
11. Prep the white chocolate drizzle using your clean double boiler (or you can microwave this as well - 1 minute on high, then stir and microwave in 15 second increments stirring after each until melted).  Using a piping bag (which you can make by taking a ziplock bag and cutting a very small hole in one corner) drizzle the white chocolate over the coated bites.  The chocolate will be very hot so use caution when drizzling...  When done put the bites back in the freezer.
12. Plating - When you're ready to serve or transport, pull those sheets out of the freezer and onto your favorite serving dish.  While they are thawing back to room temperature you might see condensation forming on the chocolate - this is perfectly fine.  Most of the time they disappear before you have to worry much about this :)
    

Keep them in a sealed container either in the fridge or freezer - If I have any left they are usually in the freezer as they keep longer there where people don't think to look for them :)

The original recipe for this was in a Betty Crocker Spring 2007 'Indulgent Desserts' magazine.  I have yet to try all the recipes in there - but the one I have tried have been very well-received.  Now that I have a kitchen to experiment in you might start to see more of these posted.

Enjoy!